• Parenting

    Why I never tell my children off (or at least, I try not to…)

    It’s rude and disrespectful. It’s not a nice way to speak to anyone. It won’t help them learn how to communicate well with others. It’s not an effective way to influence their behaviour. Most importantly though, I value my relationship with my children and I want them to feel safe and secure in their relationship with me. If they make a mistake I want them to talk to me.  I want to support them when they need it and for them to feel confident that I’ll help them look for ways to make things better… from clearing up spilt milk to supporting them as adults. If we see our children, or…

  • Parenting

    The worst parenting advice ever? You can’t be their friend.

    I love reading parenting books and blogs and spend a lot of time thinking about how I can get better at this parenting lark. Over the years I’ve heard and read loads of great advice that I’m sure has encouraged and supported me to be a better parent, and has certainly helped me traversing some pretty tricky waters. But so too have I heard some shockingly bad advice about caring for children, often masquerading as good old common-sense. While pondering the good and bad that’s helped or hindered me over the years, I came up with a pretty long list of ideas that have been unhelpful and potentially damaging. But there was one…

  • Parenting

    Parenting with Kindness to Save the Human Race

      http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/about-the-authorillustrator/ Limiting our children’s choices, disregarding their rights and enforcing arbitrary rules through rewards and punishments creates frustration, anger and discontent. Perpetuating the myth that life is cruel and hard promotes a mind-set of scarcity and desperation, and skews our natural tendencies towards cooperation and connection. Fear, competition and self-obsession become the drivers by which we strive to get our needs met. The more messages that our children receive that they cannot be trusted, that they must be constrained and controlled for their own good,  the more likely they are to internalise this and begin to distrust themselves and everyone around them. In essence we create a self-fulfilling prophecy,…